I Am Not Anyone's Favorite Person

My mother has always told me that I am an awkward person to be around. At dinner parties, she says I ruin guests' appetites with my palor and laconicness. I looked it up once, and "laconicness" is not a word.

People are difficult creatures to dissect. Their motives are haphazard at best, and they seem to spend a great deal of time talking about themselves. I don't understand what is supposedly so compelling about listening to an investment banker talk about his work or hearing what a buyer has bought for a company. I doubt these accounts are interesting to the speaker, let alone the other 658,591,463 people on the planet (as of 03:09:12 GMT, 18-Jan-06).

I am waiting for a friend. One person to watch with me. Watching is lonely without company.

I have never had a friend before. I have tried on numerous occassions, but have never found success. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that I have very little to say. I never have anything "up." I am not put off by "uncomfortable silence." I have never found a silence to be uncomfortable. The therapist my mother sends me to suggested this blog as a mode of expressing myself. I suggested using it to find my one friend, and he said that I could try that.

I would like my friend to be more active than I am. I like to sit and think. Unfortunately, this keeps me at home most of the time. My mother is also home most of the time, which is the leading cause of my interrupted thoughts. If I had a friend, they might take me outside to think. I also think my friend should share my interests. The therapist my mother sends me to says that good friends have common interests. I am interested in death. However, the therapist suggested that I express my interests in the philosophy of life instead. So, I am intested in the philosophy of life, especially as it pertains to death. But I would not like my friend to be a philosopher who will suggest books to me. I do not like to read, especially about life and death. I prefer to watch and think about life and death.

I hope that I am able to find a friend.